Almost There!

and why do I feel guilty for being so excited?

One week from today I will get my last round of chemo!  I’m almost there!  However, it is bittersweet because I have come to love everyone at infusion.  I can not say enough for all the nurses and everyone I’ve come in contact with at the University of Michigan Comprehensive Cancer Center.  Also, I’ve met many people that will never see another day of their life without a round of chemo pending somewhere around the corner.  I am very blessed because I do have an end, at least for now.  It may come back but we’re not going to talk about that unless it does and . . . well, I just can’t go there right now.

Two weeks ago I met my first person at the hospital with Inflammatory Breast Cancer.  She’s been there a year and I’m the first one she has met also.  Unlike myself, she waited before going to the doctor and by the time she did go her cancer had spread and is now in her liver.  Because the cancer has spread they won’t do surgery on her and she will be on chemo for the rest of her lift.  If we hadn’t been wired up to IVs at the time I would have hugged that lady.  Chemo for the rest of her life, I simply can’t imagine it.  Everyday I am blessed, this could have been so much worse.

Each round I get more tired and food tastes more yucky to me.  You would think that means I would drop a few pounds but I’m not.  You see, the Gods granted me with this ability to each junk no matter what so I may not be able to eat my veggies but I can sure put down a bowl of ice cream.  At least my weight has stayed the same the last 2 weeks and after next week I’ll stop getting steriods so hopefully it will start going down.

I do have a date for surgery for those of you following along and it’s November 20th.  I believe that is the Friday before the big UofM vs. OSU football game.  At least this year I’ll have an excuse to get to lay around on the couch and watch the game, assuming I’m home.  Otherwise I’ll be in the hospital, wearing the gown that Carrie made me and hoping I don’t disturb too many patients while cheering on the game.  Hey, I’ll be on the UofM’s campus they will understand.  Hey, we could have a tailgate party in the hosptial. . .

The end of chemo is near, I still have a long road but this is one massive step that I can’t wait to have under my belt.

12 Down, 4 To Go!

Assuming nothing changes in the gameplan, I am officially in my last month of chemo!!!!  Nothing against anyone at the U of M Comprehensive Cancer center, they are the reason I’m alive, but I sure will be happy to have this leg of it over with.  It’s  a huge part and I really will feel so much closer to being done once this is done.  The thing is, I have to keep reminding myself that I won’t be done, there is still a long road ahead of me, but it feels like such a huge step.   (how many times did I say “done” in the last 4 sentences?)

All in all, I’m still feeling pretty good.  The worst part is that I’m getting what I call “herceptin nails” .  Herceptin is a drug that I will be on until August, it’s an easy drug on me but one of the potential side effects is that your nails fall off.  Well, it’s starting.  After the next 4 weeks I only get this drug once every 3 weeks so I’m thinking my nails will recover but it’s not a biggie if they don’t, it just looks nasty.  Small price to pay for getting to stay alive.  The hot flashes are also driving me me insane but menopause was going to happen sooner or later so I’m glad to get that overwith now and then I’ll be done when all my friends are going thru it in our 50’s.  The only other thing that drives me insane is not having nose hair (yep, you lose that hair too).  I won’t get into details but trust me, you don’t want be my kleenex everyday, nasty!

So, as you see, I don’t have a lot to update but I have been kid free for almost 24 hours and will be for another 24 hours so I had to take advantage of the moment to update here.  I love being able to sit here for a few moments but I have to admit, I miss those little buggers and keep thinking I should be doing something.

Thank you all for all you have done for me.  I love you all!

Oh, by the way, my hair is coming back and I actually have to go buy razors.  Now, I just wish the nose hair would follow suit!

Can I Help You, Sir?

I had a first happen to me on Sunday, I was called “sir”.  So, until my hair comes back you will not see me wearing green camoflauge with a beret again

Yes, I know I have been a COMPLETE slacker in both of my blogs and I do apologize.  However, I do want you to know that I think about you all every day and try my hardest to get on here but it’s not been easy.  You see, I have this 21 month old little boy that seems to be entering the terrible 2’s with full force which makes in impossible for me to get online while he is awake.  Then I have this 8 month old that doesn’t ever want to nap and thinks she has to have my full attention every moment she is awake, again, making it impossible for me to get online.  Then, once I manage to get both of them down around 9:00 I’m plumb worn out.  Parenthood, it ain’t for wimps!

Honestly, I’m doing great!  All of my numbers are going UP instead of down.  I’m almost not anemic anymore!!!  My white cell counts went up last week, they are still low but they went up instead of down this past week.  There is another number going UP that doesn’t make me happy but it makes my doctors happy and that’s my weight.  Yeah, I was thinking that dropping weight would be one of the perks to chemo but nope, I’m gaining weight.  Everyone assures me that once they stop pumping me full of steriods that the weight will just fall off of me.  Right, weight always just falls off of me, it’s something I’ve had to deal with my whole life.  I’ll have to eat nothing but lettuce for the next year to get rid of the weight.  Oh well.

I think I left off telling you all that I had to go to a cardiologist.  My heart looks beautiful, it’s working great, but sometimes it takes off racing on me and keeps going for about 20 minutes before it stops.  It’s really not fun, quite scary actually.  The cardiologist is not worried about it, she used some big word that I can’t remember to call it but said it probably wasn’t a big deal.  However, she wants me to wear this wonderful heart monitor for 21 days.  The monitor itself isn’t uncomfortable but the electrobes stuck on my body are irritating my skin.  Only 6 more days and I can take it off,  not that I’m counting or anything.  The kicker is, my heart has been “normal” the entire time I’ve worn this and I know it will flutter the day after I take it off.

I know many of you watch Grey’s Anatomy.  Did you all see last week’s episode?  Well, for those of you that didn’t or don’t watch let me give you a quick summary.  One of the characters, Izzy, has cancer.  She is one of the doctors but hasn’t been working for some time because of the cancer but she spent this episode in surgery all day.  At the end of the episode she said a line that really struck home to me.  She said “today I didn’t have cancer”.  I knew exactly what she meant because my best days are days where “I don’t have cancer”.  Yes, I know I have cancer every day but on days where I can just be me and forget it are my best days and lately that has been most days.  Most days I’m this crazy mom that is just trying to stop her 21 month old from throwing his food when he’s done eating and trying to get her 8 month old to nap.  By the end of the day I’m exhausted, just as I’m sure any other mom would be but probably a little more-so than most.  Well, I know more than most because not that long ago I wasn’t sick and wasn’t this tired at night.  If I didn’t have these little people to drive me insane I would have cancer every day but  because of them I don’t.  Because of them I can live.  Don’t get me wrong, I would LO VE to figure out how to have some free time to knit, read, update my blog or just watch a trashy movie and someday I’ll get to do that again.  Right now I’m just glad that I still feel well enough to be “normal”.

For those of you counting, I have 5 more rounds of chemo left.  I should finish the first week of November and 3 weeks later will be my first surgery.  If you count on the calendar you will see that 3 weeks to the day after my last chemo is Thanksgiving.  I won’t be surprised if my surgery is at the beginning of that week but I’m hoping for the week before and that I’m feeling well enough to go shopping on Black Friday.

I promise that I’m going to do better and not wait so long before I post again.  There must be a way for me to make it all happen and I must get better at it!!!

Love you all and thanks for being there for me in all that you do!

The New Plan

Last week I started my chemo receipe since my last once didn’t like me getting Oxygen and, well, I like my Oxygen.  Well, let me back up a touch as I see I am, once again, behind.

August 27th I went in for chemo (I had missed the week before) but they wanted to check my lungs again to see if I was ready and I wasn’t.  My lungs had pretty much stayed even, slight impovment, but not enough to hardly measure.  My oncologist didn’t seem overly concerned because lungs take time to heal.  Ok.  She did still want to give me my Herceptin since that’s not chemo, it’s a targeted treatment and not a whole body treatment.

Last week, Thursday I went in and we decided to go for for it again, only with a different drug from the Taxol since that gave me issues.  So last week they gave me the Herceptin and changed the Taxol to Taxotere, a cousin drug to Taxol.  Honestely, I haven’t researched it yet so I really can’t tell you the difference but it’s supposed to maybe be easier on me.  Last week I did fine but I had my reaction after my second round last time so I’m not feeling completely out out the woods just yet.  Today was my second round so please keep your fingers crossed.  They also gave me a flu shot today and that should make my co-workers laugh since I’ve been so adament about NOT getting a flu shot for several years.  I’ll also be getting H1N1 shot when available.

Now my biggest complaint about side-effects has been hot flashes.  OMG, I remember my Aunt Helen having them and me thinking she must be exaggerating or something.  No. She. Wasn’t.  The chemo has shut down my ovaries so it’s like instant menopause.  It has to be worse that getting Pitocin for instant labor when having a baby or at least rank right up there.  The night is the worst.  They gave me a drug that I’m starting tonight that hopefully will help slow them down and I’ll get a good night’s sleep!  I’m actually thankful I’m bald right now to let the heat out

Other side effects include: possible having The Shingles but the rash never happened, just the body aches and weight gain.  GAIN!  That makes me a happy camper.  I guess it’s from all the steriods I’m on and once I’m off them the weight should come right off but the rate I’m gaining I’ll be up 30 pounds before I’m done.

Overall I feel pretty good.  My hemaglobin is up, still aneminc but up.  I’ve been able to take a couple of one mile walks but I’m done after a mile.  A few times a week I feel like I need a nap in the afternoon but that hasn’t been able to happen yet.  If I could get the kids to nap at the same time it sure would make that nap for me easier.  I also need to learn to let go of the housework but that’s a whole ‘nother topic I won’t get into right now

Basically because of my reaction to the Taxol I’m 2 weeks behind on my chemo schedule and won’t finish until the first or second week of November now.  I”m still hoping for surgery around Thanksgiving but that is not scheduled yet.  My body is really reacting well to the drugs.  The doctor can not even find my enlarged lymph nodes and everything else looks back to normal.  You can still feel a lump but it’s not distinct, it’s basically more dense than the other side.  I’m thrilled.  Honestly, I think in 2 months I’ll be cancer free and the tears of joy stream down my face just thinking about it.  We’re getting there!!!

Thanks to everyone for the continued calls, cards and emails I keep getting.  I really do have the most incredible network of friends and support that I could ever imagine.  You are amazing and you are my rock.  It’s incredible what getting a simple card in the mail does, not that I don’t love my emails and comments in my blog, but something physical in the mail just really puts a smile on my face.  Thank you!  and I love you all so much.

The Benefest

On August 22nd my in-laws and a bunch of wonderful people put together a benefest for me!  Well, it actually started on Friday night with a Kareoke contest and then we had a full day of events going on Saturday.  It was moving, it was wonderful and it was very successful!  I could not get over how many people kept coming in all day long.  We did not do a head count but I know that over 500 people showed up over the 2 days.  It was amazingly wonderful.  I can’t thank everyone enough that put on the benefit and everyone that came out in support of me.  Friday night I got up on stage to thank everyone and started crying.  Saturday night I got up on stage to thank eveyone again and, for the first time in my life, I was speechless.  It was just overwhelming to me to see all these people that were there for ME, all for ME.  I’m still in shock and very thankful.

We have 2 more benefits coming up.  One is a Super Shoot on Sept 20th.  My in-laws have a 3D archery course and the Sept 20th shoot is a benefit for me!  Then we were contacted about a mud bog that will take place on October 24th that will be a benefit for me.  I’m not sure the details on that one just yet but I guess they do a benefit mud bog every month and they want October’s to be for me.  I”m not sure what I’ve done my whole life to deserve such wonderful help but I sure am thankful.

So, What’s Been Happening?

I’m feeling much better!!!

A week ago Friday my oncologist sent me to see the Pulmonolgist to see what is going on with my lungs.  All of my numbers look good except for one, the diffusion number.  From my understanding, this number is what tells how much of the oxygen is getting out of my lungs and actually getting into my body?  I’m not 100% sure on all the technical/biological stuff but I do know that my number was only 61%.  Not great.  It was low enough that the pulmonoligist said that he was glad that I didn’t get chemo the day before.

This Thursday was a full day at the hosptial, but I’m getting used to that.  I started out the day by seeing the Pulmonologist to see how much improvement I’ve made in a week.  I was sure we were going to see fantastic numbers but, nope, we stayed pretty dead even across the board.  My low 61% diffusion number was all the way up t 66%.  UGH!  So off I go to the oncologist to see what she wants me to do with this awful fear that I was going to be hospitalized until my lungs were functioning better and thank God that didn’t happen.  She didn’t seem upset with my numbers, she simply said that inflammation takes time.  However, she was concerned about putting me on both my Herceptin and Taxol because they are both rough on the lungs and the heart, since I’m not fully recovered she didn’t want to zap me too hard.  So she decided that we would just to the Herceptin and next week we’re going to change the the Taxol it it’s cousin, Taxatere (sp?) and hope I don’t get the bad reaction again.  So far I’m doing just fine on just the Herceptin and let’s hope I continue to do just as well next week when I start getting blasted again.

I do have a little heart thing going on that I’ll be going to see a cardiologist about.  I’ve had 2 incidents where my heart takes off racing on me and stays racing for a good 20 minutes.  It’s kinda freaky but eventually it goes back to normal.  Well, she wants to get this looked at.  Not quite sure how we’ll figure out what’s causing it if it doens’t happen while I’m there but I’ll go to the doctor and see what they can see.  I’ve had 3 echocardiograms in the past 3 months and they’ve all come back perfect so I’m not worried but I will keep you posted.

As the doctors have said, I have to have chemo and we’ll treat the side effects as needed.  Hopefully my new recipe will not cause any issues but if it does we’ll deal with it.  I’m down to just a couple more months of weekly chemo and my body is responding wonderfully, we’re going to make it!!!

Well, Maybe Not So Great

Over the past couple of days my fatigue came right back and I was becoming winded without much effort at all, like walking from one room to another.  The part that really concerned me was a deep, dry cough that I developed, especially when I was gasping for air.  I couldn’t carry the kids, especially up the stairs because I would have to lay there and gasp for breath.  Yesterday I decided that I should probably call the doctor and see if they wanted me to come in and they did.

It was a long day yesterday, they do not fool around at the UofM Cancer Center Urgent Care. First of all they drew my blood and got my port all ready just in case I was getting a transfusion then sent me to urgent care. When I got there they saw that a chest x-ray had also been ordered so sent me there, of course offering to take my wheelchair but I declined the short ride. After that they sent me to urgent care which is more like a nice hospital room than every other cold urgent care I’ve been to. The nurse came in and asked a million questions and while she was talking to my oncologist another nurse came in to take my blood pressure while laying down/sitting on the edge of the bed/standing. Then we walked up and down the hall a few times (short hall) and did it again. That one did make my BP go up some but it’s still low. We also did a urine test and a rectal exam (fun!)

The nurse reported all my results to my oncologist and they thing that mystified them is the very dry cough I have when I become short of breath so they wanted even MORE tests. That means I couldn’t eat or drink until the tests were run.  It was 12:30 at this time and my bowl of Cheerios had done burned off by then so I was praying for these next tests to come soon.  The next tests were an echo cardiogram and a CT scan. Oh, I forgot, they also did an EKG in that first bunch. It ended up being that the ECHO was at 3:30 and the CT was scheduled for 4 but the CT didn’t start until after 5:00. I thought I was going to DIE by the time they finally let me eat. By then both my parents were there and so was Steve. They went and got me a burger and fries at the cafe and I was never so happy to see a cafe burger in my life  It actually wasn’t bad.

The CT scan is what showed the inflammation around my lungs and I guess that is a possible side-effect of one of my chemo drugs, Taxol.  The nurse told me no more chemo until I see my oncologist and I’m not scheduled to see her again until next week and put me on steriods to help the inflammation.  I tried to get a hold of her today but never heard back so I guess I don’t go for chemo tomorrow.  I’m scheduled to be at the hospital at 7:30 and there is no way that I’ll get in before that to see her before then.  I called at 10:30, left a message and a follow up at 4:00, I couldn’t try much harder.

Right now I’m feeling better and have not had one coughing attack all day.  Wow, between having very low hemaglobin and now inflammation around the lungs . . . I guess that’s literally insult in injury.

Oh, that reminds me. I did let them push me in the wheelchair to both my Echo and CT scans. Those were a long walks and I took advantage of the ride

So Far, So Good

First of, this blog has been at the top of my “to do” list for free time for several days and I’m just now getting here.  That’s insane because I haven’t even “worked” in over a week.   Now I have to learn how to not work so hard when I’m not working but that’s a whole other post

Yesterday I had my second round of my new recipe of chemo and so far it’s going great.  I feel really good on it, no nausea and I’m less tired.  Last week it was confirmed to me that I really am tired and it’s not just me being a whimp, my hemoglobin levels are really low.  Normal levels are between the number 12 and 16.  My first time for chemo my levels were at 13.5, perfect, right in the middle.  Those numbers have been declining and when they checked them a week ago I was 7.5, borderline needing a blood transfusion.  Yikes!  No wonder I can’t hardly walk up a flight of stairs.  The thing that really blows my mind is that they are testing my levels when I’m back to feeling well, I always feel worse in the beginning and when I go back I feel “good” again.  What were my number 10 days earlier???  This week my number climbed and I’m at a whopping 8.7 and I think I feel great.  I guess I’ve forgotten what feeling good is like and I sure can’t wait to be there again.

My body is responding wonderfully to the drugs.  I think I’m back to looking about exactly the way it looked when I first dicovered something was wrong.  I actually can’t even feel a lump anymore, it’s still “thicker” but not really a lump.  I won’t see my doctor again for 2 weeks but I think she’s going to be thrilled when she sees me.

Let me explain my new chemo!  I am now on Taxol and Herceptin and get the chemo once a week for 10 more weeks.  Because this new recipe is so much “easier” I don’t have to see my doctor but every 3rd visit.  All I have to do is get my blood drawn and go straight to infusion.  Once they get my pathology results we start the IVs in my new Purple Power Port. Wow, does that thing make life easier.  My veins really suck and were getting worse each time, now we don’t have to worry about that.  This little baby sits under my skin, they poke a need it in and it’s an instant extension cord.  Nothing sticks out of me so I don’t have to worry about the kids (or me) pulling it out.  It’s really great.

All in all things are going really well.  I’m staying with my parents so I have help with the kids and everything else in life.  We’re also getting all geared up for my big benefit that’s next week that I’ll do a post on that soon.

I actually did get to have a day of fun since starting my “retirement”.  How can you not love a day of fishing on Lake Michigan even if you don’t catch any fish!

My First Final Is Final!

I survived 2 months of the “AC” combo of chemo and in 2 weeks I start my next recipe, only instead of every other week , I get this next round weekly.  Yuck!  But, from what it sounds like, this next round shouldn’t be as tough, they are blasting me with the worst first.  Let’s hope.

Round 4 went alright.  However, we have decided that I need to have a power port before I start my next round.  A power port is like a permanent IV under my skin in the left side of my chest.  This way I won’t have to get poked anymore because my veins are not very cooperative.  I definately picked the wrong disease to get for someone with veins that don’t like to be poked.  Once the port is “installed” I won’t have any more pokes because they can use it to draw blood and everything.  Nice!  The port is scheduled to be put in the morning before my next round of chemo.  We’ll have to be at the hospital at 6:30 for my 7:30 procedure then I’ll get chemo at 1:00.

Yesterday I had to go back to Ann Arbor to have an Echocardiogram done.  There is nothing to worry about, just these drugs are rough are rough on the heart and they wanted to make sure that we’ve done no damage before the next round starts.  I will have to have one done every 3 months since I have a whole year more of chemo.  Yes, a whole year more.  But, after the next 3 months I will only get chemo once every 3 weeks, no biggie.

Everything is still looking great!  The redness is not as red and the swelling is way down.  The doctor did not have a tape measurer on her but she drew and outline of the lump so she could measure it later.  My guess is that the lump is still 3″ in diameter but it’s shrinking!  Amazing how fast that baby grew.  I’m still tired but the doctor said that was par for the course.  The chemo is building up in my body and therefore I’m going to be more tired.

These are my last 2 weeks of work and then I start LTD which I believe is what I need.  I need to be able to take my naps, not get up  to an alarm and stay back “home” where I have a team of people to help chase my children.

Round 4 Coming Up!

So, round 4 is coming up in 2 days.  Oy!  I feel like I am just now recovered from round 3 and here we go again.  BUT, I keep reminding myself I’m almost 2/5 of the way there and it’s just a small amount of time AND that I HAVE to do this.  The nausea is under control, that’s key, exhaustion can be dealt with. There are all kinds of side effects, but they all can be dealt with.  Dry skin . . .there’s lotion, losing your taste buds . . . well, I guess I’ll love food even more once I can taste it again (just in time for the holidays?), no hair . . . I could write a whole post on that and I might just do that.

In some ways I’m excited about this round of chemo.  Well, one way, not some ways.  Why?  Well, this is the last round with me on this recipe and starting in August is a new one.  I’m excited because this is my first last.  I am completing the every other week of chemo, stopping my first recipe of chemo and moving on to a new recipe but getting chemo every week.

All in all I’m very happy with everything and how it’s going.  It’s actually moving much faster than I thought it would, I can’t believe that this is my 4th round already.  I’m learning my way around the hospital and almost feel like I could start giving tours.  My doctor is fantastic, the nurses are top-notch and I never feel like a number, I am a person to them.

Thank you all for your continued support.  I love you all.